APPLICATION FOR GENETIC RECONSTITUTION BY ALIENS

Please answer these questions based on your genetic profile to the best of your ability. You will be provided with a printable/mailable form upon completion, and your candidacy will enter a public peer review process on this website.

Please note: we promise not to share or spam your email address, but other details may appear in your public profile.

Part I

Additional information is required to complete your candidacy. Would you like to continue later?

Part II - Medical History

Do you or your immediate ancestors have a history of physical or mental illness?

If Yes, would this condition(s) impede your ability to perform repetitive menial labor?

Are you one who bleeds easily?

Are you allergic to:

Part III - Personality (select one)

I would describe myself as

My will is

To amuse others, I am willing to

The best part of building a pyramid is

Friends would describe my taste as

In terms of snitching on other members of my detail who are plotting escape/insurrection, my attitude is

[Children only] My loyalties are with

I work well with others.

I work well for others.

I work well in others.

I breed sturdy offspring.

I retain adequate functionality under high levels of barometric pressure.

I am proud... some say too proud.

I can sleep standing up.

Human life should be measured in work-units.

By filling out, printing and submitting this form, I, the undersigned Reconstituted Person, do hereby indemnify Grand Central Publishing and Busboy Productions against any and all liabilities, damages, losses, expenses, claims or fines which may be suffered by or accrued against my genetically reconstituted self in the event it is enslaved by an alien race.

Special Terms

NOTICE: We  reserve the right in our sole discretion to remove any material submitted and/or posted on this Site for any reason. We also reserve the right in our sole discretion to prevent you from continuing to participate on or through this Site if you fail to comply with these Special Terms. If you find objectionable material or behavior on this Site, please flag it and we will review the situation and determine what action, if any, needs to be taken.

Agreement: By using this Site, by submitting your Application, and/or by submitting or  uploading any photograph, illustration or avatar, to or through this Site, or using material from this Site,  you warrant, represent and agree to the following:

1. You agree to the Privacy Policy and Terms of Service, as well as to these Special Terms.

2. The email address you provide is your true email address.

3. You own outright any material you submit or upload or  you have the express written permission of the owner to use the material here.

4. You license us and our licensees the perpetual, worldwide rights to use, reproduce, modify, edit, adapt, publish, distribute, and display your material (in whole or in part), in any and all media, without any legal  or financial obligation to you. 

5. The name you provide to us is your own first name. You will not use the name of  any other person or otherwise try to impersonate any other person.

6. You will not use this Site, or any material from the Site  in a way that could constitute a personal attack, harassment, threat, illegal, unlawful, harmful, threatening,sexually explicit,  defamatory, vulgar, obscene, hateful, racial, religious and/or ethnic statement, or  that otherwise could be considered  objectionable material, e.g., profanity and/or redacted profanity (such as * and #, used in place of letters),   offensive, vulgar,or  abusive.                      

7. You will not provide or distribute any personal or embarrassing information about yourself or any one else.

8. You agree to hold Hachette Book Group, Jon Stewart and busboy productions, and their respective agents and employees free of responsibility, and you will indemnify them, for any potential or actual damageOR injury, monetary or otherwise, arising from your participation in this site or use of material from the site. 

If we modify these Special Terms,your continued use and participation of this Siteafter that time will constitute your acceptance of the revised Special Terms.

Dated:September 20, 2010.

Once completed, please affix bodily fluids to this form and mail it to the appropriate address listed below.

Accordingly, we ask would-be reconstituents whose last names start with A through L to send their forms to:

Svalbard Global Seed Vault
Akersgata 59 - R5
9170 Svalbard
Norway
Attention: Olav Kjærstad, Project Administrator

We ask applicants whose last names start with M through Z to send their forms to:

Trementina Base 37 Ultra-Secret But Totally Real
Scientology Mountain Base Avenue
Trementina, NM 88439
Attention: David Miscavige, Project Administrator

Are you worthy? Let's find out together, shall we? The application for genetic reconstitution by aliens